he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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