she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize