im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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