What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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