Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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