I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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