i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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