Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize