imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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