I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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