i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
