and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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