we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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