guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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