your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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