dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
