my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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