the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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