I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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