I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
