the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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