soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
