I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
