Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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