so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So much rum. So many feels.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
