She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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