So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
