I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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