What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
