That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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