It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
