Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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