worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize