I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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