the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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