Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
