i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
