Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
