I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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