I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
