theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
