Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
