Sponge bath it is.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
