she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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