WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
