I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
