i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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