i would punch a child for taco bell
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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