I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
