I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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