i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
