I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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