oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
