Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How does one acquire holy water?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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