i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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