Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
