oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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