It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
