Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
