Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
