One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize