CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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