cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
