It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
