yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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