i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
