So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
