I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
