First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
