He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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