Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
