he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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