If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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