hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
