Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
