Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Randomize
