Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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