Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
